All I Want



December 2004

“I dare you.”

Tony cradled the phone beneath his ear before turning and plumping the pillow that had been beneath his head for the past hour. “Dan, my man, it’s totally juvenile, even for me. And that’s saying a lot considering some of the shit I’ve pulled.”

“Juvenile or not, it got me what I wanted for Christmas.”

Finally satisfied with the state of his now properly fluffed pillow, Tony flipped back over and snuggled deeper under the covers. Winter had slammed D.C. in a major way, and tomorrow he would have to see about digging out the extra blankets he had stored away in his luggage. “And just what specifically was that?”

“An Ed Deline fucking that my ass will remember for the rest of its life.”

The familiar husky voice of his best friend and ex-lover, Danny McCoy, stirred to life several pleasant memories, and Tony instinctively rubbed the area over his heart. “Can’t believe your boss fell for it, Danny. You’re not pulling my leg, are you?”

“Scout’s honor, Chief. If you don’t believe me, come check out my ass. Seems Ed likes to bite, and I’ve got a beaut of a bite mark on my left buttcheek. Want me to snap a pic and email it to you?”

“No!” With his laptop in the shop for repairs, the only internet access Tony had was his computer at work, and the thought of Gibbs catching him staring at a pic of his friend’s ass nearly threw him into a panic. “Don’t you dare! My butt would definitely be in a sling if Gibbs caught me ogling pictures of your behind.”

“Do as I suggested and maybe you’ll enjoy having your butt in a sling. I hear they’re the thing to have if you’re into kinky sex.”

Tony not only ignored his friend’s laughter but also the reference to kinky sex. Former Marine Gunnery Sergeant Jethro Gibbs and kinky sex just didn’t seem to go together. Of course, Tony smiled as he scratched the stubble covering his chin, you never knew with Gibbs. His superior was a very unique individual.

The image of Gibbs dressed in leather and holding a whip had Tony wiggling around under the covers. Thankful Danny couldn’t see the blush that was branding his cheeks with heat, Tony swallowed the lust clogging his throat and asked, “What if Gibbs doesn’t take the bait? I’ll look like a fool.”

“And that’s different how?”

The smirk in Danny’s voice could be heard as clear as a bell. “You smartass,” Tony replied with a chuckle.

“You should know. My ass was exclusively yours at one time," Danny reminded him.

Tony glanced at the snow falling outside his apartment window and fondly remembered the many nights he and Danny had snuggled under the covers, wrapped tight in each other’s arms discussing the plans they had for their future. “Those were the good old days, weren’t they?”

“Hey, they’d still be the good old days if your family hadn’t up and moved.”

Recalling the pain of being parted from his first love, Tony again unconsciously rubbed at his heart. “I missed you for the longest, man.”

It was true. Tony had missed Danny more than he would ever admit. From the age of thirteen the two of them had been inseparable, especially once they discovered they shared something very unique in common - being gay. Their friendship had quickly grown into a deep, abiding love, and Tony had been devastated when just days after turning sixteen, his mother had announced they were moving to New York.

“I really did miss your sorry ass.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Danny countered. “My sources, your mom to be exact, told me you took up with your next door neighbor. I’ve forgotten what his name was. Jason? Jacob?”

“Jonathon. And no, I didn’t take up with him. Jonathon saw how bad a shape I was in after we moved there, and since he was sympathetic to my situation so to say, he sorta adopted me into the club. You wouldn’t believe how many gays there were at that school. Anyway, we were just buds. That’s all. My dick never got chummy with his ass.” Tony dug his hand out from beneath the covers and held up two fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

“Good thing.”

A knowing smile spread across Tony’s face. “That was sixteen years ago, Danny. Don’t tell me you’re still jealous.”

“Of course not,” came the indignant reply.


Well, yeah, okay, I was. Still am, if you want the truth. You being my first boyfriend and all that . . . well, I still care, okay?”

“Aw, man. You’re gonna make me cry.” Tony felt a familiar warmth infuse his heart as he shared his laughter with Danny.


“Yeah?” Tony wiped at the happy tears that had helplessly slipped down his cheeks while laughing.

“Do you really care for this Gibbs fella? Is he the one?”

Tony turned on his side and dug under the pillow next to the one his head was resting on. He pulled out a small picture frame and stared at the photograph it held. The picture was of Gibbs and had been taken about a year ago. Tony had been snapping pics of a crime scene, and with only one shot left on the roll of film, had given into a moment of whimsy and snapped a pic of Gibbs. Abby, once informed of his foolishness, had kindly agreed to develop the film herself and had presented Tony with the framed photo once she was finished.

Tony took one last glance at the photograph before returning it to its hiding place. Flopping over on his back, he slid a hand behind his head and examined the ceiling. “My heart says he’s the one, Danny. In fact, I wouldn’t still be with NCIS if he wasn’t. You know that two years is my limit for sticking with any job, and it’s now going on three. What does that tell you?”

“Must be true love.”

Tony thought he heard a wistful note in Danny’s voice but immediately dismissed the notion. His friend had always said he wasn’t one for long-term relationships. Yeah, there had been that Mary Connell. Danny and she had been friends before he had even entered the picture, but as far as Tony knew she was just that, a good friend, a cover for Danny’s homosexuality. And this thing with Ed Deline was simply a moment of lust according to Danny. Ed was happily married, and had only given into his bi-nature because Danny had made him an offer he couldn’t refuse - a twenty-four hour fuck-fest with no strings attached.

To be honest, Tony had the feeling Danny was seriously interested in someone named Warrick. The man worked in forensics if Tony remembered correctly, which made him chuckle. Guess his friend was destined to fall for men who loved solving crimes, whether it be local or military.

“I certainly hope it’s true love, Danny. I’m getting damn tired of chasing the skirts for appearances’ sake. I want to come out of the closet and settle down with a man who’ll make my toes curl every time he kisses me.”

“Well, if that’s what you want, my friend, better put my Sneak-A-Peak plan into action,” Danny advised. “The sooner you do, the sooner your toes will be curling.”

Tony rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “This is never gonna work. Gibbs isn’t that kind of guy.”

“Have faith, Tony,” Danny encouraged. “If he’s as interested as you seem to think, he’ll definitely sneak a peak.”

“If not, I’m coming out to Vegas and kick your ass.”

Danny’s laughter was a welcome sound that, for a moment, banished the loneliness that had taken up residence in Tony’s heart. If things didn’t work out with Gibbs maybe he would fly out to Vegas, see if spending some time with Danny could possibly rekindle old feelings. Maybe see if his friend would be interested in a threesome with this guy Warrick.

“Call and tell me how things go.” Danny’s voice broke into Tony’s thoughts.

Glancing at the clock sitting on his dresser, Tony saw that it was almost 2am. “Guess you’ll want specifics when I do call,” he said with a tired chuckle. Damn, he hated the time difference between D.C. and Vegas.

Danny laughed again. “Specifics, pictures, videos. Everything, my man. Everything.”


Frosty the Snowman pen. Check.

Winter Wonderland stationary. Check.

Hip-sashaying, jingle bell singing Santa Claus. Check.

Reindeer headgear. Che-

One eyebrow raised in consternation, Tony examined the item he held in his hand. “Nope. No way. No how. I don’t care what Danny said, I’m not putting this thing on my head. It’s bad enough I’m wearing the 12 Lights of Christmas twinkling bowtie. If I put these damn antlers on I’ll be listening to Kate smirking for the rest of my life.”

Tony shoved the furry headgear into the bottom drawer of his desk. He looked at the drawer for exactly five seconds before wisely locking it. The memory of McGee accidentally discovering his stash of raspberry-flavored lube - the bottle of which Tony was able to snatch away before McGee could properly identify it - was still fresh in his mind and probably those of his co-workers, also. “Damn ankle still hurts from tripping over Abbs,” Tony muttered as he unconsciously reached down and rubbed the once injured joint.

Glancing at his watch, Tony saw that it was time to put Danny’s plan into action. Gibbs would soon be returning from lunch, and Tony wanted everything to be ready. He fumbled with the switch on his tie, and after a couple of unrepeatable curses, had the tiny lights twinkling away. Singing Santa was next, but Tony hesitated before switching it on - he knew without a doubt that if he heard ‘Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer’ sung one more time he would more than likely grab the darn thing and toss it out the nearest window. Gritting his teeth he picked up his pen and tried desperately to ignore Gene Autry extol on the virtues of one shiny nose reindeer.

“Oh. My. God.”

Without lifting his head, Tony peaked through his lashes and saw Kate standing in front of his desk. The stupefied look on her face was almost worth the torture of wearing a bowtie, and Tony fought hard to keep from laughing. It went without saying that he absolutely loved shocking the panties off his co-worker, and no doubt - he snuck another quick peak - yep, he had certainly accomplished that particular task today. In fact if her mouth opened any wider you’d be able to park an F-18 inside.

“DiNozzo! Shut that damn noise off!”

“You got it, Boss.”

Thankful for small miracles, Tony slapped the button on his Santa and sighed with relief when the figurine’s velvet-covered hips swayed for the last time. There was only so much sashaying a sane person could take.

“Oh. My. God.”

Tony continued to ignore Kate, concentrating his attention instead on the stationary that was spread across his desk. He twirled his snowman pen for affect, hoping its glittered-filled barrel would catch Gibbs’ attention. Glancing to the side, his grin died a quick death. Gibbs wasn’t even looking in his direction. In fact, from the way the man was stuffing personal items in his pockets, it appeared he was about to leave.

Frantic that his plan would bite the dust before it even got off the ground, Tony scrambled for his keys so that he could unlock the drawer that held his antlers. If wearing the adolescent headgear would get him Gibbs, then he’d do so and willingly suffer Kate’s derision.

“What in the world are you doing?”

Kate had obviously snapped out of her stupor and was now crowding the front of his desk. The loudness of her voice caught Tony by surprise, and he dropped his keys. They were quickly gathered up, and when Tony straightened, he noticed Gibbs had moved a little closer to his workspace and was casting furtive glances at him. A grin that could have lighted up all of D.C. appeared on Tony’s face.

His plan was working.

In a voice that would never match Kate’s for volume, Tony announced, “I’m making a list for Santa.” He smiled up at Kate, daring her to dispute his next statement. “As you know I’ve been quite good this past year, and I suspect I’ll get tons of goodies.” He tapped his Santa figurine on the head. “Since the old guy is extremely busy this time of year, I thought it would be helpful if I let him know exactly what I want. Remove all the guesswork if you know what I mean.”

“You’re writing Santa?”

Kate’s eyes seemed to be riveted on Tony’s blinking tie which was okay with him because his eyes were riveted on Gibbs, and the less Kate knew of his infatuation with their boss the better. “Are you saying you don’t write Santa?” he asked with the purest look of innocence on his face that he could muster. Extremely happy to see Gibbs’ gaze wandering in his direction, Tony continued, “If you don’t write to him how else is he gonna know what your heart’s desire is?”

Extra emphasis was placed on the phrase 'heart’s desire,' and it was all Tony could do to keep from jumping up and doing a happy dance on top of his desk when he saw Gibbs’ piercing stare zero in on the piece of paper containing his wishlist for Santa.

Following through with Danny’s plan, Tony pretended to think for several seconds, placing the tip of his pen - Frosty’s head to be exact - in his mouth and staring very intently at Gibbs. Once sufficient time had passed, he laughed softly, and with a flourish added an item to his list. “There. That’s it.”

Kate reached for the piece of stationary. “Let me see that list.”

Tony slapped her hand away. “Uh, uh, uh. No can see, Kate. It’s like blowing out candles and making a wish. If I let you see my list, Santa might not bring me what I want.” Tony cast an extremely naughty smile at Gibbs. “And I definitely want what’s on my list.”

The opening of the elevator doors put a halt to Kate’s inevitable protest.

“Boss, Abby’s got that address you requested,” McGee announced the moment he came into view.

“Let’s roll, people.” Gibbs took the piece of paper McGee handed him and tucked it inside his pocket. “Tony, gas up the car. Kate, you and McGee collect those satchels we found at the scene and put them in the trunk.”

Tony slipped his list in the top drawer of his desk, carefully hiding it between the pages of a file. He made sure a corner of the hard-to-miss stationary was peaking out and could easily be found if a certain someone went looking. “What about you, Boss?”

“I’ll meet you at the car right after I check in with Ducky. The autopsy, it seems, revealed a few unexpected surprises.”

"Right. Right. Check in with Ducky." Tony hid his knowing grin by turning around to gather his NCIS jacket. “Come on, girls and boys. We’ve got some bad men to catch.” He threw one last glance at Gibbs and found him still standing at his desk. Hmmm . . . so far so good.

“You catch the bad guy, and I’ll catch the good guy. And I’ll be fuckin’ mine by the morrrrning,” Tony sang under his breath as he followed Kate and McGee into the elevator.

“What was that, Tony?” Kate asked.

“Uh . . . Just singing about taking the high road, Katie, my darling.”

“You know you’re weird, right?”

“If you say so.”


Tony swiped a hand across his face, unknowingly leaving a huge smudge of black fingerprint dust on his cheek. His partner in crime couldn’t help but laugh at the sight, and the sound of her laughter was soon echoed by Tony.

“We are a pair, aren’t we, Abbs? Hopelessly in love with older men who don’t even know we exist.”

“Speak for yourself, Twinkle Toes.” Abby flicked the edge of Tony’s tie with a fingernail.

“Oh shit. I forgot I had the darn thing on.” Tony wrestled with his bowtie for several seconds. By the time he got it off he had managed to paint his throat with streaks of black dust, which threw Abby into a fit of giggles.

“Have you been sniffing the laughing gas again? Don’t you remember what happened last time we did that?”

Abby instantly sobered, and without saying another word, handed a moist paper towel to Tony and indicated the areas he needed to clean. “Don’t remind me. I still can’t believe we---”

“Ah ha!”

Tony peered at Abby through the magnifying glass he was using to examine the piece of stationary he had written his Christmas list on earlier. It really wasn’t much of a list considering the only thing on it was a single name, written at least twenty times. “The game’s afoot, my dear Watson.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve identified the culprit, Holmes?”

The enormous smile on Tony’s face answered her question, and Abby commenced bouncing around the lab waving her arms in the air. “We’ve got him. He’s ours. We’ve got him.” Abby stopped her victory dance and grinned at Tony. “He’s yours actually, but . . . We got him. We got him. We. Got. Gibbs.” The forensics expert grabbed an unsuspecting McGee as he exited the elevator and twirled him around. “We got him. We got him. Caught him red-handed.”

“You found Ensign Carmichael?”

Tony, who had shoved everything in a drawer the second McGee appeared, stood up quickly and wrangled Abby to his side. He shot her a warning look before answering McGee’s question. “Our enthusiastic colleague is referring to the enormous rodent she just caught. Unbeknownst to us, this dubious character has been terrorizing the lab during the wee hours of the night.”
McGee took a step closer to the nearest chair. “A rat? Here?”

“Of enormous proportions,” Tony reminded him with an eyebrow waggling leer. “Should have seen the teeth on that sucker, Probie.” Throwing an arm around McGee’s shoulders, Tony guided him back toward the elevators as he continued his narrative concerning the rat from Hell. Behind his back Tony gave the thumbs-up sign to Abby and was treated to a victorious grin when he glanced over his shoulder at his co-conspirator. “And I don’t doubt that’s what happened to Morales in Housekeeping’s Chihuahua. Brought him to work one day, and that’s the last we saw of the little bugger.”

“You’re making all of this up, aren’t you?” McGee cast a suspicious look at Tony and then at Abby.

“If I’m lying, I’m dying,” Tony replied. “And if I’m dying, I’m going straight to heaven ‘cause as you know I’ve been a very good boy this---”



Tony collapsed on the new leather couch he had just bought, bought specifically because the minute he saw it in the showroom he thought of Gibbs sprawled naked upon its cushions.

“Damn and double damn.” Leaning forward, he hung his head and let out a loud groan of frustration. The day had gone exactly as planned, and Tony had followed Danny’s instructions to the letter. Unfortunately, Gibbs had not followed through as Ed Deline had, and Tony’s ass was just as lonely and empty as it had been this morning when he left for work.

“I know he saw my list. I know it. Fingerprints do not lie.”

Reclining back, Tony grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest in an effort to dull the pain slicing through his heart. He was so sure Gibbs was interested in him. Hell, he was so sure he would have bet his entire Barry Manilow CD collection.

Obviously he was wrong.

Gibbs had paid him absolutely no attention the entire day, which had to have been deliberate considering the way Tony and his bowtie lit up every room he entered.

Tony ripped off the twinkling neck noose and threw it across the room. “That was certainly a waste of good money. Not to mention the blackmail money I’ll now have to pay to Kate.” Tony unbuttoned his collar and tugged it open. “Should have known things weren’t kosher when she volunteered to shoot the crime scene this morning.” He groaned again when he remembered the gleeful look on Kate’s face as she snapped his picture. No doubt the photo would be emailed to every NCIS agent by morning. “At least I wasn’t wearing the damn antlers.”

Still clutching the pillow to his chest, Tony stretched out on his couch and contemplated the hollow existence of his life. What he had told Danny was true - he was tired of chasing after women who were nothing more than camouflage. He was gay from the few gray strands he had found this morning when blow-drying his unruly hair to the size eleven Italian loafers he had bought wholesale at the nearby outlet mall. Women weren’t his thing, and not a single one of those he had dated had crossed the threshold into his bedroom. Only men were allowed into what Tony considered his private sanctuary, and it had been exactly two years, ten months and seventeen days since he had tangled with the hard contours of a naked male body.

That man had been Danny, and the memory of the last time they had made love together - the day before Tony met Gibbs - had the lonely NCIS agent reaching for the phone.

“Hel- Dammit, babe! Watch those teeth. Hello?”

“This is Tony Dinozzo. Can I speak to Danny?”

“Uh . . . umm . . . Danny’s busy right now.”

Tony didn’t need to be told exactly what Danny was busy doing. He was all too familiar with the sounds he could hear coming over the phone. “Who’s this?” he asked, unable to quench his curiosity. Danny was obviously going down on somebody and doing so quite enthusiastically. “Is this Big Ed?”

“No, Warrick. Big Ed’s here, though. You want to speak to him?”

Well, there went the idea of getting it on with Danny and Warrick. Seemed his friend had not only gotten his cake but was eating it, too, and had also had the good fortune of having it topped with ice cream - chocolate ice cream to be exact.

Lucky son of a bitch.

The pain in his heart tripled, and Tony struggled to say good-bye to the unseen Warrick. “Tell Danny his plan didn’t work and to call me when he’s not so busy.”

“God Almighty, Ed! How in the hell is that monster gonna fit inside Danny’s- oh yeah. Will do. Plan failed. Call when free. No problem. Shit! Not my- Later, Tony.”

The sound of Warrick slamming the phone down was like a door slamming closed on his hopes for a future with Gibbs. Tony had been shut down again, and this time he really didn’t think he was willing to pry open that particular door again. Maybe it was time to move on. Maybe down to New Orleans, enjoy some of that famous Southern hospitality.

The image of a tall, lean, dark-haired plantation owner enjoying the first taste of his morning coffee while examining the mysterious currents of the Mississippi from the coolness of his veranda lulled Tony to sleep and kept him blessedly ignorant of the tears that were sliding down his cheeks.


“Rhett, you must. It says so on my list. And as we both know what’s written on this list you will do. Without question. Rhett!”

Reaching out for his dream companion, Tony promptly fell off the couch and narrowly missed hitting his head on the coffee table. He grinned ruefully as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and recalled the dream about him and Rhett Butler and a card shark that looked a lot like Kate. Of course, Rhett had looked a lot like Gibbs, and Tony blushed when his mind replayed a particular portion of the dream, specifically the moment when Rhett had shoved him into the steamboat’s deserted wheelhouse and had-

“Ah hem.”

Tony dropped his hands, and with the left one reaching under the couch for the spare ‘38 special he kept hidden there, he searched the darkened corners of his living room. The sound had come from the area where his sparsely decorated aluminum Christmas tree sat. “Who’s there?”

Tony blinked and then blinked again. What in blazes was Rhett Butler doing here? And why did he have a red bow pinned to the lapel of his jacket.

Wait a minute. That wasn’t the jacket Rhett had been wearing when they were-


The man sitting silently in the corner nodded, and Tony immediately scrambled to his feet. “How in the hell did you get inside my apartment?”

“Tony, you do know who you’re talking to, right?”

Tony crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his chin in a mulish fashion. “The Gibbs I know wouldn’t break into someone’s home and scare the shit out of its owner.”

“The Gibbs you thought you knew wouldn’t.” Gibbs stood slowly and walked toward Tony, handing him a recognizable piece of stationary the second he reached Tony’s side. “But the Gibbs who is clearly your heart’s desire might just do whatever it takes to fulfill your Christmas wish.”

Tony forgot all about Rhett Butler, card games and steamboats. He forgot it all when the sexiest lips God had ever created touched down on his and proceeded to expertly set him on fire.

“Damnation.” Wrenching his mouth away, Tony gulped for air. “Gibbs, I mean Jethro. Why’d you . . . I mean what are you do---” His confused babbling was quickly halted when Gibbs' kiss did exactly what Tony had told Danny he wanted it to do more than anything else in the world -- it curled his toes to the max.

“All you had to do was ask, Tony,” Gibbs said as he lazily began to explore the terrain below Tony’s neck.

With nipples that were deliciously aching from the attention being lavished upon them, Tony huskily whispered, “Oh I’m asking, Boss. I am so asking.”


Tony yanked the pillow from his mouth and howled with unbelievable pleasure as a searing heat flooded his ass. The hand tugging on his shaft jerked in just the right way, and Tony let loose another roof-raising scream. His body bucked back and forth helplessly before spraying his release all over the grinning face of his new lover, Jethro Gibbs.

“Oh God. That was . . . oh God, I think . . . oh God!” Tony collapsed and smiled goofily when his boneless body was lovingly gathered close by a pair of arms that as far as he was concerned could hold him until the end of time. “That was incredible.”

Tony snuggled closer to Gibbs and was on the verge of falling asleep when a horrifying thought popped into his head. “Boss, please tell me you’re not gonna make me wear this bowtie every darn time we fuck. It’s a seasonal thing, right?”

Gibbs carefully removed the twinkling item in question from Tony’s flaccid penis and carefully set it aside. “Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Depends on you, Scarlet.”

Tony playfully slapped his lover on the chest. “That’s the last time I’m sharing one of my dreams with you, Jethro ‘Rhett Butler’ Gibbs.”

Laughter filled the room and was soon joined by the singing of one hip-sashaying Santa.

“Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose.”