Copyright September 2002
Warning: Major angst but NO death.
"You'd think by now I would have figured out how to use this damn thing." Steve punched several buttons on the control panel of the deluxe DHD player and, when the tray finally slid open, he clumsily inserted a small silver disc. "I guess I should have paid closer attention when Jesse explained the instructions." At the sound of his mate's name, Steve closed his eyes briefly and bowed his head, his hand trembling where it lay on the top of the player.
A minute passed before he could gather his thoughts and control his emotions. Gripping his cane, Steve sighed heavily as he made his way over to the couch. "Damn hip," he muttered as he carefully lowered himself onto the soft cushions and pushed aside the scattered pages of yesterday's newspapers. Discovering the remote control and a dirty supper plate, Steve wrinkled his nose at the sight of the caked on mess of last night's takeout Chinese. "Maybe Amanda's right. Maybe I should see about getting a live-in housekeeper." Grabbing the filthy plate, he wrapped it in the Sports section of the newspaper and set in on the floor, promptly forgetting it as he turned his attention to the remote control.
Steve aimed the handheld device at the wall directly in front of him and watched as it slid to the side, revealing a small alcove with black, grid marked panels. He examined the remote control again, asking himself, "Which button is it?" Pushing one at random, Steve smiled when the room darkened and a hidden light source illuminated the alcove briefly before solidifying into the holographic image of his lover.
Shimmering blue eyes stared straight at him as Jesse reached out his hand, his fingers clenching a simple band of gold. "And with this ring, I give my heart into your keeping, trusting it to you for all time."
Steve paused the image and looked down at the real wedding band that circled his left ring finger. "I will never break that trust, Jesse. Never."
The older man pushed a series of buttons and the image of a tuxedoed Jesse was replaced by a half-naked Jesse rising to his feet, droplets of water cascading down his bare chest, his voice husky and inviting.
"I can't believe your Dad arranged for us to honeymoon on this private island." Jesse's crooked smile turned wicked as he shimmied out of his shorts. "Just think, Steve, a whole week together. No phones, no pagers… just you and me. To be more specific, just you and me, naked." The blond physician stroked his cock suggestively. "I hope you brought your vitamins, husband of mine. I plan to fuck you from one end of this island to the other." Jesse moaned, his blue eyes darkening with desire. "And that's just today's plans. Wait until tomorrow."
Steve grew slightly breathless as Jesse walked toward him, one hand playing with his erection, the other pinching and tugging on his nipples. "What are you waiting for, Tarzan? Come and ravish me."
The image tilted wildly to the side before abruptly disappearing, reminding Steve that he had instantly complied with Jesse's command, dumping the holocam on the ground. In fact, if he closed his eyes and listened very carefully, he could still hear the younger man's scream as he was thoroughly and completely ravished.
Steve stroked his hand between his legs. "Me, Tarzan. You… one fuckable ray of Sunshine."
Closing his eyes, Steve leaned his head back against the couch and enjoyed the light touch of his fingers upon his cock. "God, Jesse. I wish…."
Jerking his hand away from his groin, Steve clamped his mouth shut, his tightly clenched jaw protesting as he swallowed the words he refused to speak out loud. Fast forwarding the holographic memories of his life, he paused at the sight of Jesse bottle feeding their daughter, a look of pure love and adoration on his face.
"She's ours. She's finally ours." Jesse looked up and smiled. "Isn't she beautiful, Steve?" He slowly pulled the bottle free and leaned down, softly kissing the auburn haired baby he was holding. "Welcome to your new home, Catherine Elizabeth."
Steve's breath caught in his throat when Jesse reached out to him and whispered, "I love you, Steve Sloan. Thank you for bringing this angel into our lives."
The next memory to materialize in front of him was a family reunion at his dad's beach house. The get-together had taken place right before the house was sold and Mark had moved in with him and Jesse. Amanda and her son, CJ, stood flanking his dad, who was sitting in his new motorized wheelchair. Jesse was sitting cross-legged on the sand with a diapered Catherine, who was attempting to dig her way to China with her play shovel.
Steve's gaze focused on his dad and he smiled when his daughter crawled into Mark's lap and began pulling on his nose. The sound of his dad's laughter only reinforced how much Steve missed the older man. His world had shifted off its axis when Mark had died unexpectedly in his sleep five years ago. Jesse had understood how devastated Steve was and, even though he had just been named Chief of Emergency Services at Community General, had arranged to take a six-month sabbatical, devoting himself to Steve as he worked through his grief.
"I miss you, Dad," Steve whispered as he watched his father smothered in a hug by Jesse and Catherine.
His holographic family was replaced by the image of his master bedroom and Steve frowned in confusion. "What's this? I don't remember…." Jesse came into view, carrying a food tray. Once he moved to the side, the holocam revealed Steve in all his naked splendor, sprawled across the mattress, his hair tousled and a drowsy look of love upon his face. Jesse crawled on the bed holding a bowl of strawberries and a can of whipped cream. "How 'bout a midnight snack, Handsome?" he asked.
"Well, I'll be damned." Steve stared in amazement at the sight of Jesse covering his cock in cream, his mouth falling open when his husband grabbed a strawberry and stroked it through the cream, offering it to his 3-D counterpart.
Steve bit back a groan as he watched Jesse feed him his cream covered erection, the blond physician noisily vocalizing his appreciation of his husband's oral abilities.
"Catherine must not have been home for Jesse to be as loud as he was."
Steve forced himself to watch the entire lovemaking episode, tears welling up in his eyes at the very end, when Jesse crawled in his arms and kissed him softly, whispering how much he loved his big pussy cat of a husband. As Jesse's holographic image disappeared from view, Steve abruptly clicked the player off and threw the remote on the couch beside him. Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands, smothering the cry that refused to be silenced. Rocking back and forth, the older man sat alone, hiding his pain in the encroaching darkness of the night.
A sound invaded his grief and, with a vicious swipe at the traitorous tears that stained his cheeks, Steve struggled to his feet. Ignoring the aching soreness in his hip, he grabbed his cane and cautiously walked down the hallway and into the bedroom, pausing beside the bed, his somber gaze outlining the slender form huddled under the covers.
With a grunt of pain, he sat down on the mattress and gently tangled his fingers in Jesse's thinning, gray hair. Drowsy blue eyes opened and stared at him in confusion.
"Are you the doctor," Jesse asked hoarsely. "Can I go home now?" Turning his head from side to side, he frantically searched the room's shadowed interior. "I want to go home," he pleaded as he looked back at Steve. "Tell Mark I want to go home."
Steve grimaced when Jesse clutched his hand. "I can't seem to find my car keys," his husband grumbled. "Can you tell my daughter I'll need a ride home?"
Lifting a glass of water to Jesse's parched lips, Steve encouraged him to drink several swallows. "Sunshine? It's me, Steve. I'm here, Sweetheart. Jesse?"
The blond moved restlessly away. "I wish you'd go get the doctor. I need to get home to my husband and daughter. Please go get him."
Steve gathered Jesse in his arms and held him tenderly. "I'll go find him, Jesse. In the mean time, why don't you rest?"
With a loving smile spreading across his face, Jesse patted Steve on the cheek before snuggling closer to the older man. "Good idea. Forty winks and I'll be as good as new."
Steve buried his face in Jesse's hair and held on tightly to his husband. "Hope so, Sunshine. I truly hope so."