Highly Intelligent, Socially Inept

by Juli

November 2008


 

Sam Winchester felt out of place the moment he entered the room. Given his hunter's lifestyle, he was used to the feeling, but it usually didn't happen with anything connected to the Trouble Magnet programs. Before he had time to see if any of the faces of the men in the room were familiar, however, he was approached by a man wearing a large campaign button. Sam recognized the guy in a vague kind of way, so Sam figured he must have seen him before, even if he didn't know the name.

"Hey there, you must be new," the man held out his hand and Sam took it automatically. "I'm Dr. Rodney McKay and I'm running for group leader." McKay handed Sam a button like the one he was wearing. "A vote for me is a vote acknowledging superior intelligence."

"Sam Winchester," Sam took the button, but wasn't really sure what to do with it. "Uh, group leader of what?"

"This," McKay gestured impatiently to the room at large. "The Trouble Magnet Special Interest Group for the Highly Intelligent, but - . . . . " McKay's voice became a mumble and Sam couldn't quite make out the end of his sentence.

"Otherwise known as the Adorkables," a young man with blond hair clarified.

Sam felt one eyebrow go up. "The Adorkables?" He asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"The 'Geek Squad' was already taken," complained another man. "Damn big box retailers."

"And that's another thing I'll change if I'm elected," McKay stated proudly. "I'll devise a name that is more respectful of our superior knowledge and skills. So, Sam, can I count on your vote?"

"I don't know," Sam looked at the button doubtfully. He wasn't even sure if he was in the right group.

"I knew it!" McKay snapped his fingers. "You're a ringer. It's just like Jackson to stuff the voting box by sending in new members at the last minute."

"Hang on there, Rodney," another man walked up from the back of the room. "We don't know if that's what's going on. In fact, I'm not sure that Sam is supposed to be here at all."

At least Sam recognized the newcomer. "Blair, it's good to see you."

Blair Sandburg grinned at him. "Good to see you too, man, even if looking up at you gives me a crick in the neck."

"He's too tall," McKay complained. "A giant can't be an Adorkable, that's got to be against the rules somewhere."

Blair rocked back on his heels. "You know there's more to it than height, Rodney."

"Yeah," a young man with brown hair piped up. "Adorkables tend to have a lot of hair too and if that was some sort of rule, you'd be out on your ass."

"I'm going to lodge an official complaint," McKay declared. "I don't care if Jackson is McNeill's Trouble Magnet or not. This farce of an election can't be allowed to continue. I demand a recount!"

"Dude, we haven't even voted yet," a young man with dark hair and whiskers on his chin pointed out.

"We'll just see about that," McKay stormed out of the room.

There was silence for a moment and then most of the men remaining in the room started snicker.

"What's going on, Blair?" Sam asked, thoroughly confused.

Blair sighed. "The Adorkables is the Trouble Magnet special interest group for the highly intelligent, but sometimes socially awkward Trouble Magnets. My year is up and it's Daniel's turn. You know how we're not allowed to be in the same special interest group at the same time."

Sam had heard of that. Apparently Daniel Jackson and Blair Sandburg were such strong magnets for trouble that they caused a disturbance if they were in the same small group. They took turns switching off.

"And the election?" Sam questioned.

"I was the leader this year, but with me leaving, the position is open." Blair shrugged. "Rodney's the one who asked for a special vote."

"Nobody else wants the job," the dark-haired man with facial hair explained. "But it's just so much fun to wind Rodney up."

Sam grinned. It sounded like something Dean would do. His grin faded as he remembered just why he was at this particular meeting. "Dean told me that I was supposed to be here, but I'm not sure if it's a fit."

The brothers had been members of the Trouble Magnet/Defender organization for a couple of years for a couple of years, but it had yet to be determined which one was the Trouble Magnet and which one was the Defender. They'd been placed in all sorts of special interest groups, trying to figure it out. So far, the only group they'd stuck with was the one for Brotherly Love.

"Well, let me introduce you around and maybe we'll find out if it's a match for you," Blair suggested. He pointed to the dark-haired man with whiskers. "This is Matt Farrell."

"Computer hacker," Matt explained as he gave a wave. "I also have a tendency to be paranoid about government conspiracies and collect action figures."

Sam nodded. He'd thought the other man looked a little too hip to be part of a group for the socially inept, but the dolls explained it. "Hey."

"This is Riley Poole," Blair went on to introduce the brunette who'd made the hair comment.

Riley came forward to shake Sam's hand. "I'm into computers too and treasure hunting." He shrugged. "I also like to research government conspiracies, but I leave the dolls for Matt."

Blair hurried to the next introduction before Matt could retaliate. "This is Zach Addy," he presented a young man wearing gloves. The man was tall, although not as tall as Sam.

"I'm a forensic anthropologist," Zach didn't offer to shake hands and Sam didn't press the issue. Somehow he got the impression that the gloves weren't there for show. "I enjoy boiling skulls, don't understand popular culture references and was the apprentice to a serial killer."

It was all said in such a monotone that Sam thought that maybe Zach should be someone to be hunted, rather than a Trouble Magnet. Still, he figured Zach wouldn't be part of the group if he was dangerous. "Pleased to meet you."

"The scamp in the corner is Travis Walker," Blair gestured to a scruffy looking man in the corner.

"I don't belong in this group either," Travis complained.

"Two words for you," Blair retorted. "Thunder. Lightning."

Travis gave him the finger. "You're just jealous because I made a major archeological find without actually finishing my degree."

Blair shook his head, but didn't respond. "I think you know Charlie," he said as he went on to a curly-haired man with friendly eyes.

His host was right, Sam did know Charlie Eppes. They were both in the Brotherly Love group. "Hey, Charlie."

"Hi Sam," Charlie replied. "It's strange to see you without Dean. I couldn't work closely with Don for a while and it just about drove me nuts."

The brothers weren't attached at the hip, but Sam felt odd without Dean. He hadn't wanted to let his brother out of sight, especially not since he got him back from hell. "I know what you mean."

"We also have Seamus Harper, engineer for the starship Andromeda," Blair gestured to a short, blond man with some sort of metal piece on his neck. "Dr. Jesse Travis, an emergency room doctor from LA," he introduced another short blond, this one was the man who'd told Sam that the group was called the Adorkables. "And Dr. Miles McCabe, who's with the National Institutes for Health. And before you ask, yes, he and Jesse are both old enough to be doctors."

Sam opened his mouth say hi, but Blair kept on going.

Blair pointed to the next group. "Wesley Wyndam Pryce you might know by reputation, he works with occult too. Chuck Bartowski accidentally got a computer program loaded into his head and now works for the government. Jake Foley, the guy next to him, became a NSA agent after accidentally being exposed to nanomites."

Jake and Miles looked almost exactly alike.

"Are you two related?" Sam asked, pointing at the two men.

"No," Miles replied with a smile.

Jake shrugged. "But we get that a lot."

Blair went on to the last group. "Hiro is from Japan; the headphones are providing translation for him, so don't be surprised if he's a little late in responding," Blair gestured to a sweet-faced young man who half-bowed to Sam. "Adam Ross is a CSI from New York; Spencer Reid is a profiler from Quantico; John Myers is also FBI, but he's the special handler for an interdimensional demon named Hellboy; and Tim McGee is from NCIS."

"Wow," Sam's head was reeling. "This is a big group."

"Yup," Blair clearly was proud of their numbers. "It used to be a little bigger, but Greg Sanders became a field agent, so he's not lab-bound anymore and doesn't really qualify. And Ianto rarely can get away long enough to join us."

"You mean that Captain Jack won't let him out of bed long enough," Riley snorted with laugher.

Blair winked at Sam. "Something like that."

"Why did you say that you didn't know if Sam belongs here?" Matt asked.

"I know Sam and I'm not sure he meets the criteria," Blair explained. He glanced at Sam. "No offense."

"None taken," Sam assured him. He wasn't at all certain that he wanted to be an Adorkable.

"Statistically speaking, Adorkables tend to be shorter than the average American male," Charlie Eppes stated. "Although there are a few of us that are exceptions."

"Yeah," Riley Poole retorted. "But you're skinny and look like you could be blown over by a strong enough wind. Sam here seems a little bulkier."

Sam resisted the urge to flex his muscles.

"He's got the hair," Blair offered, tossing his own curly locks over his shoulder.

"And he dresses the part," Spencer chimed in. "The profile of the typical Adorkable indicates a lack of awareness of current fashion trends or the tendency to assume that they do not apply to him."

"This is my day off," Sam said defensively. Maybe Dean had been right about the pink floral shirt he'd chosen to wear. "I don't normally dress like this. Usually, I have more layers."

"How about school?" Tim McGee asked.

"Full ride to Stanford," Sam stated proudly. "Graduated at the head of my class."

"At what age?" Zach questioned.

"Excuse me?" Sam was confused.

"What age did you start college and what age did you graduate?" Charlie clarified.

"Um, the usual, I guess," Sam replied. "Went at 18 and graduated in four years."

"Ah," Charlie looked at Blair. "That old? Maybe he is in the wrong group."

Despite his uncertainty about even wanting to be in the group, Sam couldn't help but be a little defensive. "I do most of the research for our hunts."

Riley snorted. "Who here doesn't research?" Not a hand went up.

"What kind of research?" John Myers asked.

"The occult," Sam remembered part of Blair's introduction of the agent. "You work with a demon?"

"Don't worry, Red's on our side," Myers assured him. "We go after the supernatural jobs that are too big for hunters to handle." He tilted his head. "What kind of weapons can you handle?"

Several of the men in the room snickered and Myers blushed. For a moment, the term 'adorkable' seemed utterly fitting.

"Not that kind of weapon, fellas." John complained. "Geez, get your minds out of the gutter."

"I can shoot shotguns, hand guns and automatics," Sam stated. "With blades, I'm good with short or long, curved or straight. I'm also pretty good with a crossbow, can draw a mean salt circle, and am fluent in Latin."

"Adorkables aren't usually so proficient with weapons," Adam Ross pointed out. He glanced at Spencer and the young man dropped his eyes.

"What kind of car do you drive?" Seamus Harper questioned. "You drive cars on this planet, right?"

"Ri-i-i-ght," Sam answered slowly, not quite sure what to make of that planet comment. "A 1967 Chevy Impala, black."

Dr. Travis sighed. "I drive a convertible, but it's a Volkswagen bug. Not exactly the most studly of automobiles."

"I don't drive at all," Zach added. "Too many probabilities for error."

Blair gave Sam a pointed look. "Is it your car, Sam?"

It was Sam's turn to blush. "Technically, it's Dean's, but he lets me drive it."

"Really?" Blair put his hands on his hips. "You sure about that?"

"He does," Sam repeated, but Blair's blue eyes demanded the full truth. "Sometimes."

"Okay, let me break down the salient points," Blair summarized. "Sam did well at school, but wasn't a child prodigy. He researches, but is also a fighter. He's tall, but has good hair, he has clothes issues and no car of his own. Gentlemen, what's the verdict, is Sam an Adorkable or not?"

"Definitely not," a firm voice came from behind them.

Sam turned and General O'Neill was standing in the doorway. Rodney was right behind him, on tiptoes as he tried to see around the older man.

"Sorry, Sam, but looks like some wires got crossed," Jack apologized. "This isn't the room you're supposed to be in."

Although he was relieved, Sam didn't quite dare say so, not wanting to hurt the Adorkables' feelings. "Oh."

"Come on, I'll show you where you're supposed to be," Jack clapped a friendly hand on Sam's shoulder and led him out the door. At the last minute, he turned and shook a finger at McKay in a cautionary gesture. "And this wasn't Danny's fault, either. Don't let me hear of you trying to blame him."

As they walked away, Sam and Jack could hear some raised voices behind them. Hopefully Rodney wasn't trying to blame Daniel Jackson for the mix-up, but it sounded as though the other Adorkables weren't done playing with him yet.

"It was Dean's fault, wasn't it?" Sam stated quietly. The more he thought about it, the more Sam figured that his brother had deliberately sent him to the wrong group.

"Don't get too mad about it," Jack told him. "Dean got told he had to go to the False Lothario group. I think he was just trying to distract you so you wouldn't find out."

Sam frowned. "False Lothario?"

Jack chuckled. "You know the type, pretending to be a big womanizer, just to hide the fact they're into men. Or, rather, into one specific man. Tony DiNozzo's in charge. I think Derek Morgan's relatively new too."

That made sense. Dean would not like to be teased about something like that, but how long did he think he could hide it?

"So, I'm not an Adorkable?" Sam asked. When Jack shook his head in the negative, Sam laughed lightly in response. "I think I'm relieved."

"I dunno, they're an okay group of guys."

Sam belatedly realized that Jack's Trouble Magnet was about to become an Adorkable. Again. "I'm sorry, I - . . . ."

"Don't worry about it, kid," Jack waved off Sam's apology. "Besides, there is the perfect special interest group for you. It's a small one, so Dean probably hadn't heard of it."

"What's that?" Sam asked, curious. He'd need something to fill his time while Dean was at the Lothario meeting.

By that time, they'd walked down the corridor and approached another doorway. Jack opened it and gestured Sam inside.

"The special interest group for the overly sensitive," Jack explained. "You know the group leader, he's also in the Brotherly Love group. Peter Petrelli. I think this group's called the Girly Boys."

Somewhere, Sam swore he could Dean laughing.

~the end~

 

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