Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng =
"Frog humping son of a bitch."
Ta mah du =
With a skill born of desperation,
Simon had become nearly as adept a hiding as his sister was.
Ever since that surreal day when
Mal and Jayne had come into his infirmary asking Simon to judge a kissing
contest, the young doctor's life had been turned upside down. He was used to
Mal looking him with barely hidden disdain, not with the same expression of
juicy calculation that the captain wore when contemplating a particularly
lucrative job. And Jayne... there was just something fundamentally wrong about
Jayne leering at him.
Even if it did make his insides
turn to mush.
If the other two had limited their
oddness to simple looks, Simon wouldn't be so discombobulated. Unfortunately
for Simon's equilibrium, however, his tormenters hadn't limited themselves to
doctor gazing. Suddenly, it seemed as though Mal couldn't pass him a dish at
dinner without stroking his thumb along the side of Simon's hand. Simon would
find himself relishing the warmth of that contact throughout the meal, once
even realizing that he'd passed Mal the potatoes three times in five minutes -
without the captain having asked for them. The last time, he'd comprehended
what he was doing and jerked the bowl away. The movement caused the dish to
spill and Mal to smirk. Simon told himself that his blush was because of
embarrassment from dropping the food and not being caught finding excuses for
Mal to touch him.
Jayne had always been more tactile
than Mal and that hadn't changed. When Simon had first come aboard Serenity,
Jayne had taken pleasure into bumping into him at every opportunity. Now,
however, the big mercenary wasn't content to merely slam his shoulders into
Simon's as they passed in a corridor. He would still bump against Simon, but
then go on to press the smaller man against the smooth metal wall. They would
stay that way until Simon managed to wiggle free or unless another crew member
happened by. Whatever Jayne's game was, apparently it was a private one.
There had been a time when Simon
would have been appalled at such crude flirting. In fact, given the social
status he'd previously enjoyed, he not only would have looked down his
aristocratic nose at the men making the thinly veiled passes, but he might
even have sicced the law on Mal and Jayne. Now, however, the only appalling
thing about the other men's advances was how much Simon found himself
welcoming them. Simon couldn't find it in himself to question their actions,
let alone protest them, and he wondered at how far he'd fallen in such a short
amount of time....
"Whatcha frownin' about,
Simon's head snapped up at the lazy
drawl of Jayne's voice. Sure enough, the bigger man was framed in the
infirmary's doorway, using a small knife to casually clean under his
"W-what do you mean?" The
doctor sputtered. This was a new and unwelcome development. Whatever was going
on with Mal and Jayne, since the kissing contest, they'd avoided the infirmary
and Simon had started thinking of it as his refuge.
Jayne took his time putting away
his knife. "I mean," he finally answered, giving up his post by the
door to saunter towards Simon, "that a pretty face like yers shouldn't be
frownin'. The mercenary lifted his hand as if to cup Simon's cheek. "Now
you jest tell ol' Jayne who's been botherin' ya and I'll gut 'im like a
This time, two heads snapped around
at the sound of an unexpected voice. Zoe stood in the doorway and gestured
towards Jayne with a quick jerk of her jaw. "Got some cargo to shift.
Better hop to it."Jayne glowered at the woman. Zoe cooly lifted one
eyebrow and stared him down. "You got something better to do?" She
looked pointedly at Simon.
Jayne seemed to puff up with
indignation but then suddenly deflated. "Nah. I live an' breath to sling
them boxes around."
Zoe waited until Jayne moved to
follow her, then gave a brisk nod and left. At the last minute, however, Jayne
turned back to Simon and winked. "We'll jest have ta finish this later,
doc." After adjusting his pants, the mercenary stalked away.
Simon let out the breath he'd been
holding. What the hell had that been? Jayne had reached for him - and Simon
had leaned forward towards the man. Jayne, the trained ape without the
training! If Zoe hadn't come in when she had....
Wrapping his arms around himself,
Simon fled the infirmary. His sanctuary had been violated by the confused
thoughts and emotions that always accompanied one of these encounters with
Jayne or Mal. The only thing that would make it worse would be to run into
As if the thought had conjured him,
Mal's voice drifted down the corridor.
"Son of a bi-..." Simon
bit off a curse and abruptly altered course. Instead of heading into the
kitchen, he darted into one of the side passages that he'd found while
trailing after River. Simon suspected that seeing Mal wouldn't help his
equilibrium at all. If it took hiding in a dark, twisting access outlet to
avoid the captain, then that's what he'd do.
Simon felt his way through the
stuffy environment of his escape route until the could see the faint
dust-filled light that spilled in through the ventilation system. He'd
discovered that this particular outlet threaded past the kitchen and he
stopped for a moment to ward off a sneeze. He could hear voices in the room
beyond, most significantly, Mal's. It wouldn't do at all to make a noise that
would alert the others and lead them to discover him. Holding perfectly still,
Simon resolved to stay there until the kitchen was empty and it was safe to
"All work and no play makes
Simon a dull boy."
The words were whispered right into
his ear and Simon stifled a yelp as he recognized his sister's voice.
"River!" He protested hoarsely, careful to keep his complaint as
quiet as possible.
In the dim light, he could barely
see the girl pressing her finger over her lips and his own thinned in
irritation. It was a little late, he thought sulkily, for her to caution for
"What was that?" Mal's
voice was muffled through the wall but Simon could still hear it.
"Dunno. Probably jest a
Jayne's voice was equally
discernable and Simon crept forward. His two tormentors were in the same room.
It was risky getting so close to the ventilation panel itself, but he thought
it worth the possibility of discovery. Peeking through the metal slats of the
vent, the doctor could just make out the forms of Mal and Jayne. The two
looked like they were having some sort of face off.
"Are you sayin' my ship has
rats?" Mal said quietly.
"N-no," Jayne was quick
to back-pedal verbally. "Jest that crazy girl. She's always sneakin'
around and such."
Mal acted as though he hadn't heard
the other man. "'Cause, far as I can tell, Serenity's only got th' one
rat and I'm lookin' at him."
Simon's ears perked up. This was
starting to sound interesting. He was momentarily distracted when River crept
up to kneel next to him, but the look in her eyes reassured him that she
wouldn't give them away.
"Whatcha mean?" Jayne
The captain took a couple of steps
forward and got right into the other man's face. "Zoe told me she found
you in the infirmary. Seems to me, that's against the rules."
Unseen, Simon whispered,
"Yeah, well..." Jayne
hedged. "Stupid rules. When'd you ever give a rat's ass about rules,
"When I set them," Mal
retorted, then started ticking off each one as he spoke it. "Rule 1: No
telling him. Rule 2: Leave him alone when he's tending to his sister. Rule 3:
Stay. Out. Of. The. Infirmary. And the most important one of all: no forcin'
him. It's not a fair contest if Simon can't chose." The captain glared at
his cohort. The last rule had been unnecessary, anyone who knew Mal even
marginally knew he wouldn't abide rape on his ship, but it always paid to
speak clearly whenever Jayne was involved.
Jayne scratched at the back of his
neck. "Why'd we set that infirmary rule anyways? We pulled the kissin'
contest job on 'im in th'infirmary."
Simon's body tensed. He knew what
the meaning of the word 'job' on was Serenity and wasn't happy to hear it
applied to himself.
"Because," Mal answered
Jayne with a show of patience. "It ain't fair to the rest of the crew.
It's one thing to get the boy all hot and bothered one time in the infirmary;
it's somethin' else to wage a whole campaign there. If someone needs healin',
we can't take a risk that Simon's too distracted to do it right."
"I s'ppose," Jayne said
reluctantly. The mercenary looked disappointed for a minute, then shook off
the mood to leer conspiratorially at Mal. "The boy is lookin' a mite bit
distracted, ain't he?"
"He is at that," Mal said
with satisfaction, totally oblivious to the soft hiss that his words prompted
out of the hidden Simon. "In fact, I'd say our doc is lookin' downright
in need of some relief."
Jayne snorted in laughter.
"You got that right. I've never seen a body in need of a spread an'
thrust as bad as that pretty doc is." He made a show of grabbing his
crotch and letting go. "An' I'm jest the fella ta give it to 'im."
"That so," Mal looked at
the mercenary thoughtfully. "You care to increase the wager? Maybe two
cigars and a glass of whiskey?"
The mercenary smacked his lips, the
sound covering the muffled cry of outrage that Simon couldn't quite manage to
stifle. "Yer on."
"May the best man win,"
Mal said with a grin, slinging an arm across Jayne's shoulders as the two made
their way out of the kitchen.
"Damn straight." Jayne's
words floated out to the concealed siblings as he and Mal exited the room.
"Jest don't cry none when the best man turns out ta be me."
In the hidden passage, Simon
quietly exploded. "A bet? First the kissing and now all of this flirting
and.. and... and touching, has been because of a bet?"
River hovered near him, hands
fluttering as she tried to deal with her brother's emotional outburst.
"The flower doesn't know why it needs the bee," she said
desperately, "it just does. The petals don't question, they just stroke
the pollinator as it penetrates." When Simon ignored her, she grabbed his
arm and made him turns toward her. "The seed doesn't ask why it's been
fertilized, it just accepts it as a natural calling..."
Simon finally realized his sister
was upset. Pulling her to him, he automatically started to sooth her.
"Shush, now, River. It's going to be all right."
"All work and no play makes
Simon a dull boy," River tried a different tactic, her addled mind aware
enough to realize that her brother wasn't understanding what she was trying to
"It's okay, River," Simon
responded. "I know what they're up to now... and this is one flower
that's not playing anymore."
In the dim light of the hidden
corridor, the doctor's eyes glittered with barely suppressed emotion. If it
was a game that Mal and Jayne wanted, then Simon would make sure that they got
an interesting one.
Mal leaned up against the rock and
whistled tunelessly. His eyes swept across the picturesque clearing, more from
imbedded habit than out of any real need. Nirvinia was as pretty a planet as
he'd come across in his wanderings and plenty peaceful as well. It's settlers
were simple folk of a religious mind, perfectly friendly to visitors if they
remained respectful. As long as you stayed east of the big canyon, all comers
were even welcome to whatever water and natural provisions you wanted; the
colonists believed in their favorite religious tenet of sharing their bounty
with those less fortunate. Of course, if you forgot to be respectful or
wandered west of the canyon, then the settlers practiced their other favorite
religious tenet - 'an eye for an eye.' Considering they were also well-armed,
it tended to encourage everyone visiting the planet to abide by all sorts of
While he waited, the only sign of
Mal's impatience was nervous folding and unfolding he did to the piece of
paper in his hand. Its surface was no longer pristine white; having been
handled and creased so much that it was gray and fuzzy. On it was a simple
request for Mal to meet someone in this specific clearing, right at the time
when Nirvinia's moons were at their highest. Since it was Simon who'd slipped
the note to Mal after dinner, the captain had no doubts as to who he was
meeting. Considering how the doctor had blushed when he'd handed it to Mal,
the older man had no doubts as to the reason for the meeting either.
The captain had been afraid that
Jayne's blunder of taking their game into the infirmary would scare Simon off.
Mal had been on the outside lookin' in enough to know when a body needed a
bolt hole; a place like no other where you could feel safe. Tweren't fair of
Jayne to rob Simon of his and he'd done his best to make sure it hadn't
happened again. Much to Mal's surprise, though, Simon hadn't seemed to be put
off. If anything, he'd shyly begun to respond to Mal's clandestine caresses.
In fact, at this evening's meal, it had been Simon to stroke Mal's hand when
they passed the vegetable dish, the young doctor already seated close enough
to Mal that their thighs touched. When he'd passed Mal the note a little bit
later, it took all the captain could do not to gloat at Jayne. That would have
been too obvious. As it was, Inara, Kaylee and Book had begun to sense that
something was going on; Wash and Zoe had been in on the competition from the
Mal didn't know what had made Simon
pick this particular clearing, a lovely little spot complete with a shallow
babbling brook. It wasn't too far from where they'd brought their equipment
that afternoon to gather water and he supposed that the doctor had found it
during a break from the earlier chore. Given how secluded it was and the fact
that the meeting time was during the middle of the night, Mal also guessed
that Simon was aiming for privacy. Mal approved, feeling that some activities
should just be private, but something was nagging at him. Something about
these arrangements just didn't seem quite right, but for the life of him, he
couldn't figure out what it was.
The sound of footsteps on the path
drove any residual uneasiness right from Mal's thoughts. The captain eagerly
turned towards the newcomer, the light of Nirvinia's two moons making it
almost as clear as daylight.
Convenient, that, because it made
it easy to tell that Jayne's expression was just as shocked as Mal's own.
"What the hell..." Jayne
growled, looking from Mal down to his own piece of paper as though it had
betrayed him. "What're you doin' here?"
"I was about to ask you the
same thing," Mal responded tersely, but the presence of another newcomer
precluded Jayne from answering.
"Good, gentlemen, you're both
on time," Simon's voice was bright and chipper as the doctor emerged from
the shadows. "I appreciate your promptness."
"What's this all about,
doc?" Jayne asked, impatiently.
"I couldn't help but notice
both of you vying for my attention of late," Simon said bluntly.
"And, being an honorable man, I came to the conclusion that I would have
to let each of you know of the other's intentions."
"What's vyin' mean?"
Jayne whispered in an aside to Mal.
"Competing," the other
man answered succinctly, still wincing from Simon's use of the word
"Aw, hell," Jayne
groaned, but Mal quickly shushed him.
"The kissing contest the other
day certainly opened my eyes to new possibilities," Simon continued,
"but I'm afraid that's just not enough information, if I'm to make an
"'Choice?'" Mal repeated.
It was important to figure out just what Simon did and did not know about that
little kissing contest... or the current one.
"Given how competitive you
are," the doctor explained, "I'm obviously going to have to choose
one of you before this situation goes very much further." He smiled
sheepishly. "It wouldn't do to have the two biggest men on board Serenity
come to blows, not over something so trivial."
"It's not trivial,
Simon," Mal protested, going silent as the younger man held up his hand.
"Be that as it may,"
Simon responded, "At some point, I am going to have to pick one of you,
which means the other one is bound to get his feelings hurt. I just figured
I'd nip that in the bud; make the choice early on, so that the one not chosen
hasn't become too emotionally invested."
Jayne scowled. "Huh?"
"He's gonna pick one of us
right away, so the loser don't fuss," Mal explained, stepping on the
mercenary's foot to keep the taller man from saying anything stupid.
"That's right," Simon
agreed. "I'm going to pick one of you, but before I can do that, I need a
better look at the merchandise."
"Huh?" This time, the
confusion came from Mal.
"We've been dancing around
each other for days - with little progress." Simon sighed. "If I'm
to pick one of you, I want a better look at what I'll be getting. Take your
shirts off." The doctor went on to shoo Mal away from the rock before
leaning on it himself. That left both Jayne and Mal to stand in front of him,
looking at the younger man in dismay.
"Our shirts?" Jayne
protested. "You seen us nekkid plenty of times."
"For medical purposes
only," Simon shook his head. "I assure you, looking at a naked body
while performing my duties as a doctor is no different for me than it is for
Kaylee to look at engine parts while she's doing repair work. Tonight, though,
I want to look at you with the eyes of a potential lover. Off with your
Mal and Jayne looked at each other,
then Mal shrugged. He was just relieved that Simon apparently took their
advances as flirting and hadn't cottoned on to their wager. "I got nothin'
to hide." It was a warm night, so the captain had left his coat behind.
He slid first one suspender and then the other off his shoulder, never
breaking eye contact with Simon while his hands moved. Reynolds was pleased
when Simon licked his lips as he unbuttoned his shirt. With no apparent
embarrassment, Mal slid his shirt off and tossed it aside before holding his
arms straight out from his body. "There you go."
Jayne snorted at the display.
Wordlessly, the mercenary grabbed the neck of his t-shirt, then simply ripped
the worn garment right off his body. "Feast yer eyes."
"Oh, my," Simon no longer
looked quite so aloof or in control. Eyes dark, he pushed himself off the rock
and circled around the bare-chested men. Despite the sight in front of him, he
was careful of his footing. They were so close to the brook that they were
actually standing on its sandy bank; a misstep would send him stumbling into
the water. "Very nice, very nice indeed." He stopped at Jayne and
ran his hand along the taller man's back with a light touch that caused the
big man to shiver. "All that time you spend lifting weights has been very
Jayne shot a triumphant look
sideways at Mal. "My body's my most 'portant weapon. Gotta keep it in top
fightin' form - and if it's in top fightin' form, that means it's in top lovin'
Mal glared at the other man's
boasting but didn't respond. Even so, Simon noticed the byplay and moved on to
the neglected captain. He brushed his hand over Mal's warm back and sighed in
appreciation. "Brute strength is nice enough in its own way," he
commented as he stroked Mal's smooth skin, "but there's something to be
said for subtlety too." Reynolds' muscles were just as hard as his
competitor's, but less sharply defined. A lover's touch, however, readily
discerned their strength.
The captain turned to Jayne and
smirked, his grin turning wider when his competitor snarled at him. Even if it
had been couched as a compliment, Simon had just referred to Jayne as a
'brute.' Things were looking up for Mal.
With a final pat, Simon left off
caressing the older men's broad backs. Stepping between the two potential
mates he was comparing, Simon turned and faced them. Skilled fingers deftly
located a nipple on each shirtless man and made quick work of tickling them
into stiffness. Mal bit his lip to keep silent; Jayne didn't bother, groaning
loudly and leaning into the touch.
"Such a little nub of
flesh," Simon said softly, looking at the reaction his fondling was
causing. "Yet, so sensitive." With a final pinch that gained him a
gasp from each man, he dropped his hands from their chests and sighed.
"Tasting, I'm afraid, would be a little forward of me at this
"No it wouldn't," Mal
"Yeah, tastin'," Jayne
chimed in eagerly. "Go right ahead."
Simon shook his head sadly.
"No, I'm afraid that's going to have to wait until I've made my selection
and have entered into a deeper relationship with the chosen party." He
dipped his head as if suddenly shy and looked at the pair through lowered
lashes. "I wouldn't want you to think I've loose morals."
Mal and Jayne looked at each other
in dismay, clearly disappointed in Simon's decision. Before they could
reassure the younger man that, under the circumstances, that they'd actually
prefer he had loose morals, Simon had moved on to another topic.
"No, you're too evenly
matched. I think we need to move on to the next level." Simon looked at
the other men calmly. "Take off your pants."
"Huh?" Jayne grunted.
"What about loose
morals?" Mal protested. Getting naked with Jayne, outside, while Simon
watched and judged, wasn't exactly an event he wanted to participate in.
"There will be no tasting
involved," Simon assured him. Seeing by the expression in Mal's face that
the captain was about to balk at his direction, the doctor added, "You
are perfectly welcome to refuse if you like, but that means that Mr. Cobb will
win by default."
Jayne didn't quite understand.
"If Mal doesn't do as I say
and take his pants off, you win," Simon explained. Jayne turned to Mal
with a gleeful glint in his eye. "And if you don't cooperate and take
your pants off, Mal wins." The gleeful glint disappeared as that last bit
The mercenary's eyes narrowed.
"What if neither one of us cooperates? Whatcha gonna do then?"
Simon crossed his arms over his
chest, confident that he was in control of this situation. "Why, then I
bid you both a very good night and go back to Serenity."
"Nobody wins," Mal
Growling under his breath, Jayne
reached for his pants button. Not about to be outdone, Mal followed suit.
Simon waited until they were about ready to slide their garments off their
hips before adding the next requirement.
"It occurs to me that this
relationship, whichever one of you I end up having it with, isn't going to be
just about the physical," the doctor said thoughtfully. "I find that
only sexual involvement gets very boring. Please, while you finish disrobing,
tell me why you chose me. I mean, you both didn't like me when I came aboard,
what made you change your minds and decide to woo me? Mal, you go first."
The captain looked at Simon
dumbfounded, but just as he was opening his mouth to protest, a particularly
sparkling beam of moonlight bathed Simon's form. Its crisp, clean light made
Simon all but gleam and Mal found himself captivated. Oh, he'd referred to
Simon as 'pretty' before, especially in conversations with Jayne, but why had
he not realized the extent of the young doctor's perfection?
Mal's desire to win redoubled, not
just to win a bet with Jayne, but for the opportunity to get closer to the
dazzling creature in front of him.
"I suppose," the captain
said careful as he made the most of peeling his tight pants off his hips and
down his thighs, "it was watchin' you with your sister." Mal bent to
undo his boots, shameless turning to present Simon with an eyeful of his ass
as he worked with his uncooperative footwear. "I won't lie, I wasn't too
fond of you when you came on board. Especially seein' how Kaylee bore the
brunt of the Alliance lookin' for you." He looked up to see Simon's face
redden. He was unsure at first if it was because of the view or because of
shame at past actions. The doctor caught his glance and tersely nodded, the
tightness around his eyes proving to Mal that Simon did indeed take
responsibility for what had happened to the innocent engineer.
The captain discarded his boots and
agilely stepped out of his pants. His action solved a mystery that had plagued
Serenity's crew since long before the Tams became a part of it - what kind of
garment did Mal manage to fit underneath his skin-tight breeches? The answer,
as Simon and Jayne now saw, was nothing. By taking off his pants, Mal had
stripped himself completely bare.
Mal ignored his own nudity.
"But seein' you with your sister... if there's one thing I admire, it's
loyalty. If there's a second thing, it's courage." He nodded levelly at
Simon. "You've got both. Made me realize that there was to you than your
fancy ways and pretty vests. I guess I decided I wanted to learn more."
Standing comfortable in nothing but
his own skin, Mal's word came to a halt. He was surprised to realize that
every one of them had been true. Uneasy with his emotional nakedness as he
hadn't been with the physical, he grinned suddenly. "That and I wanted to
fluster you some. You look good flustered."
Simon sighed, although he was
actually a bit grateful for Mal's quip. It had gotten just a bit too real
there for a moment and he'd begun to doubt if he could follow through with his
plan. Giving Mal a look that told the captain that he wasn't finished with him
yet, Simon turned to the second competitor. "And what about you,
The mercenary was hopping around on
one foot as he pulled off his last boot. Dropping it with disgust to the sand,
Jayne shrugged. "Yer big enough ta mount and pretty enough to do face to
face." He pulled his pants and underwear off with one grand gesture,
kicking them easily to the side. "Been my 'perience that prissy fellas
like you like ta roll in th'dirt once a while. Figure I got plenty of that,
might as well see if ya wanted to smudge yerself up some."
Luckily for Jayne, Simon had been
distracted from listening to his words. Instead, the doctor's eyes widened at
the mercenary's revealed cock. Impressive in its length, it was already
half-hard and glistening in the moonlight. "Oh, my. I see that you're
proportionately sized all over, Mr. Cobb."
Jayne's chest puffed out at the
praise. "Yup. Let's jest say that Vera ain't the biggest weapon in my
arsenal." At Mal's snort of laughter, the mercenary turned to his
"I bet you named it too,"
Mal said, looking at Simon with one eyebrow raised.
"So what if I did?" Jayne
said after a moment of irritated silence. "Ain't nothin' wrong with
"Nothing wrong with that at
all," Mal facetiously reassured him. Simon Tam was not the type to be
impressed by physical attributes alone and the captain figured it was in his
own best interest to play up Jayne's non-physical characteristics. "I'm
sure all the tough guys give nicknames to their 'little warrior.' Especially a
fine figure of a man like you, since you're hung like a horse and all."
Simon had begun to approach Mal and the captain finished his comment softly
enough so that it was for the doctor's ears alone. "I'd call that
appropriate, since he's got the IQ of a horse too."
Simon's lips twitched but when he
spoke, he chose to chastise. "Be nice, Mal. It's not like you've anything
to be ashamed of." With an expression of appreciation, Simon looked down
at Mal's own sex, which was completely rigid and straining towards the
"Stumpy little thing,"
Jayne snorted. "No wonder he wears his pants so tight, his cock'd get
lost in anything looser."
In fact, the captain was perfectly
normal in size, if a bit thicker than usual, and he was perfectly comfortable
with his sexual equipment. Next to Jayne's monster, any man would look
inadequate, but being a doctor, Mal was confident that Simon would know that.
"I've never heard any complaints."
"I'm sure you haven't,"
Simon placated him, patting Mal on the hip as he circled both men. "And
speaking of tight pants..." the doctor indulged himself by doing
something he'd been longing to attempt ever since that damnable kissing
contest. Quite daring, he reached out and firmly grasped Mal's ass cheeks,
squeezing their solid flesh in-between his fingers. The captain jumped in
surprise, causing Simon to chuckle. "You'll never be able to hide these
if you insist on wearing your trousers so snug."
"Maybe that's the idea,"
Mal countered and was rewarded with another chuckle.
Removing his grip from Mal's butt
before he was tempted to anything more rash, Simon stepped up behind Jayne.
Instead of grabbing the mercenary's ass, though, he slapped it sharply. The
resulting 'smack' reverberated in the quiet clearing.
"Ow!" Jayne complained,
turning to glower at the smaller man. Simon just grinned at him.
"Impressive - very firm."
Simon complimented the mercenary. Jayne had moved his hands to cover himself
from another slap and the doctor took pity on him and moved around to face
him. "I admire your musculature, Jayne. Not so much as a quiver, very
"Yeah," Mal quipped, not
liking the admiration he saw in Simon's eyes. "When Kaylee can't find the
right wrench, she calls for Jayne and he removes screws and bolts just with
just his ass cheeks. Very handy."
Jayne looked at the captain,
uncertain if he was being mocked or not. "Yeah, I've got a very talented
Before, when the two competitors
has sniped at each other, Simon had acted as referee. Not this time and, at
his silence, the older men turned to look at him. The doctor had gone back to
leaning against the rock and was looking at them intently.
Simon continued to contemplate the
older men before making a tsking noise and shaking his head. "While I
certainly appreciate the view," he sighed, "this isn't helping me
make up my mind either."
"Don'cha like what ya
see?" Jayne challenged.
"Oh, I like it very
much," Simon answered easily. "But that's the problem - how can I
make a choice between two such fine specimens? On one hand, we have a fine
example of buffed brute strength; on the other, classical chiseled features.
Who could choose?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I was afraid that
it would come to this - I think I need to see the equipment in action."
"Now wait a minute, doc,"
Mal protested. "This ain't exactly like buyin' a ship - ain't no test
rides to be had here."
"Why not?" Jayne
countered. "Works for me - which one of us do ya want ta ride
first?" The mercenary waggled his eyebrows at Mal. This would work just
fine, whichever man Simon picked to do a sample rut with first would win the
"It's not that simple,"
Simon disagreed. "If I'm not willing to taste yet, then I'm also not
willing to do any... riding... yet."
"So what do you have in
mind?" Mal asked suspiciously. The captain had a feeling that he wasn't
going to like whatever the doctor had in mind.
Simon didn't disappoint. Reaching
into his pocket, he fished out two small vials and tossed them to the other
men. "I believe that both of you are familiar with the concept of
self-gratification?" He didn't even bother to look to see if Jayne was
confused, Simon went ahead and explained. "Masturbation. By showing me
how you pleasure yourselves, it will give me a good idea of how you plan on
pleasuring me." When the competitors just looked at him dumbly, Simon
gestured to the vials they were holding in their hands. "I took the
liberty of providing some lubrication, so you shouldn't experience any
Surprisingly, it was Jayne that
shifted from foot to foot in uneasiness. "I dunno, pullin' our meat out
in public and everything? Jest don't seem proper."
The doctor raised one eyebrow.
"And yet you were willing to have me do, what did you call it?, a 'test
ride,' just a few minutes ago."
"That were different,"
Jayne retorted. "Been used to ruttin' whenever the opportunity presents
itself. Masturbation's jest more... personal-like. Not sure I can do it
Mal stayed silent, hoping that
Jayne would refuse and he could win by default. No such luck. Simon and Jayne
faced off but it was Jayne that dropped his eyes first.
"What th'hell." The
mercenary twisted the cap off his vial and poured the contents into his hand.
"I've come this far, might as well finish it up." He rubbed his
hands together briskly before applying them to his cock. "Ahh.... that's
better." Truth was, the evening's activities had gotten him pretty hot.
He'd been hoping that maybe this wager'd be finished and it would be the doc's
pretty mouth givin' him relief, but at this point, he'd take anything he could
get. Even if it was just his hand and of the others.
Not to be outdone, Mal did the
same. The vial contained a musky-scented oil and, like Jayne, Mal gasped at
finally gettting some physical stimulation where he needed it most.
"That's it, gentlemen, very
nice." Simon complimented the men striving to please him. "Now that
you've begun, though, I'd like you to move into the water behind you."
The other two had almost forgotten
the small brook, even though they'd been standing on its sandy banks.
"What?" Mal protested.
"It'll be cold."
"Don't be such a baby,"
Simon laughed at him. "The water's only as high as your ankles. Call it
an endurance contest, if you will. Let's see which of you can bring your
actions to their natural conclusion, even with the impediment of standing in
"This better be worth
it," Jayne growled, even as he moved to comply.
"I assure you - it will be
beyond your wildest dreams," Simon said solemnly. When both men had
grudgingly moved, he praised them. "That's it, I can see that you're both
not easily deterred by a little water. I want you to close your eyes and
imagine that it's me you're with." When they obeyed, he left his position
at the rock and quietly began moving around the clearing. "That's it,
just touch yourselves like you were touching me...."
The clearing became still, the only
sounds the were the babbling of the small brook, the rasping as hands
pleasured two cocks, the soft groans that the participants couldn't quite
stifle... and the unsuccessfully suppressed sounds of Simon moving about.
Mal cracked one eye open. "Whatcha
doin', doc?" He rasped, a little too involved to string together a longer
Simon picked up the last piece of
discarded clothing, which happened to be Jayne's boot, and moved a few steps
up the trail. "I was just heading back to the Serenity."
The doctor grinned when both of the
competitors sounded off with exclamations of confusion. Their expressions were
most satisfying and they hadn't even found out the 'good' part yet. "I
invited Kaylee, Inara, and Book to a sunrise picnic." He looked up at the
sky, where the two moons were just beginning to set. "I figure there's
just about an hour to get everything ready."
"But what about....?"
Jayne gestured at his rock-hard cock.
"Oh, we're finished
here," Simon assured him. "Or at least I am. You've got a little bit
before the color reaches its deepest."
"Aw, hell," Mal groaned,
after taking a quick peek down. There was enough moonlight to see that his
cock was now a startling shade of blue, as were the palms of his hands.
Looking calmly at the thrown away vials, he stated a hypothesis. "You put
something in the lube, didn't you?"
"It's a dye, actually,"
Simon said smugly. "Reacts to the protein in your seminal fluid.
Perfectly harmless, I assure you. It'll wear off in a few days."
"Why you little..." Jayne
growled, but Mal's hand stopped him from charging at Simon, who was out of
The captain had finally figured out
what had been bothering him when he'd been waiting for Simon. Nirvinia had a
nasty little bit of wildlife, called a bloodworm. They came out at night and
lurked wherever there was grass. As long as you wore hard-soled shoes, you
were fine. Go barefoot, however, and you hazarded a potentially fatal bite.
That's what had seemed odd that Simon had wanted to tryst outside and at a
time when the risk was highest. Mal had become too distracted, though, and
hadn't been able to put two and two together until just then.
"Don't. Bloodworms," he
warned Jayne succinctly. He looked at Simon and found the young doctor
grinning a bit wildly. Funny, he'd never noticed that Simon had dimples
"You're perfectly safe there
in the water," Simon pledged them. "Or even if you stick to the
sand. But I'm afraid that you'll have to wait until sunrise to come back to
Serenity." The darkhaired man put a finger to his chin as he pretended to
think. "Do you suppose that Zoe and Wash will be up that early? I'd hate
for them to miss out... on the picnic, that is."
"How long have you
known?" Mal asked quietly, hands at his side.
"Long enough," Simon
replied, his smile dimming. He lifted his gaze so that it encompassed both of
the competitors. "I suggest, gentlemen, that the next time you kiss me,
that it had better be the real thing."
With that admonishment, Simon
turned and walked away, taking every stitch of their clothing with him.
"Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng..."
Jayne cursed under his breath as the sound of Simon's footsteps faded. The big
man's erection had waned as the import of what had just happened sank in.
Mal, on the other hand, remained
fully erect and actually started to laugh. Jayne snarled at him, "What's
so gorram funny? Come sunrise, we're gonna have to go back to th' ship and
parade ourselves in front of Kaylee, Book, and the rest." His voice
lowered as he pouted. "Ain't right ta show yer danglies in front of a
preacher, 'specially when they're blue."
"He got us," Mal said.
"I didn't think the boy had it in him, but he not only figured out what
we were doing, but he beat us to the punch." The captain shook his head
in admiration. "Our little doctor isn't quite the innocent that he seems.
I find I have to admire his sense of style."
"Easy fer you to say,"
Jayne grumped. "You can cover yerself with yer hand. Me, my pecker will
be swingin' in all it's blue glory fer God an' everybody ta see." He
looked maliciously up the trail where Simon had disappeared. "When I get
my hands on that little Ta mah du, we'll see who's laughin'."
"You'll do nothin' and that's
a fact," Mal said coldly. "He got the best of us fair and
"But Mal..." Jayne
"But nothin'," the
captain said firmly, then grinned. "Besides, we'll have better things on
That peaked Jayne's interest.
"Just something Simon
mentioned right before he left," Mal explained. "He said that 'next
time' we kissed him, it better be real." When Jayne looked as if he
didn't understand, Mal repeated the most important part. "'Next time,'
Jayne. Think about it."
Jayne did and finally understood.
When he started to laugh, Mal joined in. Simon, had he seen the expressions on
their faces, might not have walked away feeling so smug.
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